Derek was my best friend, but I considered him family. We met when I was in eight grade. We worked together. We were roomates. He was a great friend, one of the rare few you could consider "for life friends", but like most of us he had his own inner demons. Infact, far more than most of us should. Either way, he developed a drinking problem. An obviously bad one we all tried to get him to cut back but it never worked.

After a while it was really really bad. Falling asleep at the wheel, passing out in my parking lot before he even left to go home, losing his job for being drunk, so much more ... I gave up on Derek. We got in a fight over his drinking where I pretty much told him to cut back or quit talking to me. We didn't speak again, ever. 3 weeks later he was killed when he was a passanger in a car with his friend and they were both drunk and the car flipped, rolled 9 times, and both were ejected.

I was in disbelief, but it was all of our new reality. I was really angry. Angry we hadn't spoke, angrier he died, and so frustrated that his drinking had gotten to that point. Angry he even drove drunk again or got in to a car with someone who has been.

That was 5 years ago. Things have changed, times are different, but I still dearly miss my friend. I think about him from time to time, and once in a while I think about him a lot.

I still harbor minor feelings of anger twoards him for leaving us all, but I would easily forgive him for another chance to talk to him. My point is that if you have a problem and people tell you that you do don't just hear the words, try to listen to them. You may not care, but others do.

The things I hate the most are the small things. The fact I'll never get to introduce him to the woman I love. The fact I won't ever get to go on any trips with him again. Should I ever have kids he will not be a part of their life. I'll never get to do anything with him again, but I'll never forget him. That was the first time someone close to me has died, so I'm no expert on how to deal with it, but today I was thinking about him and I felt like making this page to get some feelings out and also to let him know, where ever he, that no one has forgotten him. Everyone misses him. We are not mad anymore.

I guess you can say I wrote this page not only for Derek, but I suppose for myself too. I miss you buddy.